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“We are really not going to have a personnel discussion, but thank you,” Markley said.

In August the school board asked Wayne Bullard, the district’s attorney, to create a new policy outlining a new fraternization policy.

“That is something you can speak with the superintendent about if you choose.” So we asked Markley at a recent school board meeting if he was having a relationship with Baltezegar.

Anger protects you from hurt, but it pushes your partner away.

In couples therapy you learn to make it emotionally safe to show the feelings beneath the anger (hurt, fear, anxiety, shame, etc.,) and begin creating a space where your hearts can reach toward each other for understanding, love, and support. After a few months Carl and Jessica were able to get away from defaulting to anger and began expressing their underlying feelings with one another.

They came to see me for marriage counseling because of physical intimacy problems and what Jessica called “emotional distance.” In the first session the biting anger between them was palpable.

As their session wound down I named the emotion that was under the anger….. ” “You each need the person on the other side of the couch, but it’s no longer safe to reach for them.” Their eyes grew wide and they nodded. Jessica said, “I’m really lonely.” It’s common for anger to simmer below the surface of our marriage.

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