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While promiscuity among of-age boys is often shrugged off or even celebrated, unmarried girls who are sexually active are severely ostracized and in some cases exposed to violence at the hands of their male family members."When you want to marry, it's very difficult to find a man who will accept that you are not a virgin," says Marjan.When her mother, the manager of a female dormitory at a small university in Tehran, found out about the relationship, she helped Marjan hide the reality from her father.She advised Marjan to introduce the boy as a mere college classmate, and covered for her when she skipped family engagements to spend time with him.Often, their mothers and fathers only perpetuate the dilemma, since even the most open-minded parents are prone to the influences of the closed, post-revolutionary atmosphere in which they came of age."Our parents never had sex until they married, and their parents never even saw each other before their wedding," says Marjan, 29.
Caught between their own increasingly liberal outlook and the traditional constraints of their culture, young people here find it almost impossible to feel positive about their sexuality.On weekend nights, heavily made-up girls in risqué hejab vie for the attention of boys driving expensive cars."It's a kind of mental reaction to the limitations," says Reza.The wide gap between the prescriptions of Islamic morals and the reality of their everyday lives is the culprit behind countless negative trends and flawed perceptions, from shockingly sultry girls' fashion to the prevalence of AIDS and hymen reconstruction surgery."When we are kids, we are taught that sexuality is a dirty, sinful thing," says "Behzad," the 35-year-old virgin.