Broadcast sex phone chat laws predating the 10 commandments
If you think you can do better, then leave your own ideas on the bottom of this page.
Roses are red, violets are blue, Sugar is sweet, and so are you The roses have wilted, the violets are dead, The sugar bowl's empty, and so is your head The roses stink, sorta like sheep But leave your name, number, and message after the beep The roses are molding, the violets are rotten And I might call you back, if I haven't forgotten Twinkle, Twinkle little star, bet your wondering where we are? Er, no diplomats are able to answer phone, so at sound of capitalist tone, leave name, telephone number, and short description of secrets you wish to sell. (Pause.) Our extremely sophisticated computer system performed a trace on your number and was able to match it with our list of important callers. When the computer has checked they're not eavesdropping, it will make a bleeping noise and you can speak freely. (Theme from "Raiders of the Lost Ark" in the background:) You've reached the residence of John and Tom.
If you wish to speak to Tim, push 1 on your touch tone phone now. If we don't return your call, it means the machine did not work. We are currently unable to come to the phone, but if you leave your number and address at the tone, we'll be by to pick up the corpse as soon as possible. You know what I hate about answering machine messages? I mean, all they really need to say is, "We aren't in, leave a message." That's why I've decided to keep mine simple and short. When you hear the tone you will feel helplessly compelled to leave your name, number, and a message. Due to the breakdown in the 452nd truce, the inhabitants of village 286-3589 are cowering in their bomb shelters. And speaking of things that are not free, we now have this word from our sponsor... If you want to leave a message, please wait for the tone.
When he confirms that he did, she freaks out, excitedly asking him several times if he's serious.
In 1935, Willy Müller invented the world's first automatic answering machine.
Well, put your mouth up to the phone And leave us a message for when we get home. (Theme music from Batman; reduce to background.) As you can see, I'm off making Montreal a safer place' to live. POW, BIFF.) You just dialed into the North American Air Defense Contract Center. This is not an answering machine--this is a telepathic thought-recording device. None of our staff is authorized to speak with you except for Fred, who is not here right now. I'm afraid we're all out just now on a desperate mission to save the Planet from boring answering machine messages, but if you know what The Shredder has done to April O'Neill, or if you know where he is, or if you can think of a decent pizza recipe, just leave your name and number and we'll ring you right back. You have reached the CPX-2000 Voice Blackmail System. Leave your name and number, and we will get back to you as soon as we can. (Ominous electronic background music:) In honor of Halloween, I'm about to perform an unspeakable pagan ritual. Unless you're a virgin, in which case, why don't you stop by? (Operatic music like Rossini's "Stabbat Matter":) Hi, you've reached Hell. We can't come to the phone right now, because we're cleaning the refrigerator.
And if you can make your message rhyme, We'll call you back in half the time!!!!! So if you'll leave a message after the tone, I'll get back to you as soon as justice is served. Stand by at the tone to give coordinates and destination of incoming bogey. If you do not respond, this unit will assume incoming, non-urgent. This is Nonoxynol-9, the personal and private telephone number of Mikhail Vladivostok Gorbachev, General Secretary of the Supreme Council of the glorious Communist Party of the Union of Sovjet Socialist Republics, Commander-In-Chief of the Combined Armies of the Proletariat Peoples of Russia, First Citizen of the Order of Lenin, Supreme Patron of the Soviet Institute of Literature and Domestic Sciences, President of the Soviet People's Council of Peace and Happiness and Captain of the Kremlin B Squash Team. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling, and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call. If you are calling to collect a student loan, gambling debt, or other obligation, please press 1 and hang up now. Due to the large number of complaints regarding the length of our previous answering machine message, we made a few changes. If you want to leave a message, please wait for the tone. I am your host, Fred, and I will be with you for the next 20 seconds. Leave yours with us, and we'll try to fit it in, given programming constraints. Please leave your name phone number and a brief message at the tone. Your voice patterns are now being digitally encoded and stored for later use. (Hum the "Dragnet" theme...) (Jimmy Buffett's "This Hotel Room:") "I ain't home, I ain't home, you better leave a message 'cause I ain't home." (Kazoo band playing "Thus Spake Zarathustra":) Thinking you were making an ordinary phone call, you have instead reached... (Loud heavy-metal music in background; raspy voice:) Hello, this is the executioner. (Noble, aristocratic voice:) Yes, one million dollars COULD be yours, IF you leave your name, telephone number, and the reason WHY you want to join the ranks of The Rich and Famous! (Screams in the background.) We're busy being cleaned by the light of eternal truth right now, so if you leave your name, number, and a brief message, we'll get back to you at the end of time. Please leave your name and number, and we'll get back to you.